There are not many stories in the bible about women and their relationship with each other. However, the one biblical story I know about a mother and her own daughter, breaks my heart! It is the story of Leah and her daughter Dinah. You will find the background and details of this story in Genesis Chapters 29, 30 and 34.
At first glance, what happened is not very obvious, but with careful scrutiny, you will discover a tragic story about a woman who failed her daughter so terribly that it resulted in her rape and the subsequent destruction of an entire city.
Background
Leah was the first wife of Jacob, who married her, not because he loved her, but because he was tricked by her father! Leah felt unloved by Jacob, unwanted, forced into marriage and despised. Leah became a bitter woman because of the rivalry that existed between her and her sister Rachel, Jacob’s second wife. The rivalry was so bad that the two sisters gave their maidservants to Jacob to bear children with him for them!
However, Leah’s bitterness, envy, jealousy and rivalry were further manifested in how she named her sons. Each son was given a name to reflect the victory she had over her sister, who was barren. For example, Leah named her first born Reuben, saying, “It is because the LORD has seen my misery. Surely my husband will love me now.” She named her sixth born Zebulun, saying, “God has presented me with a precious gift. This time my husband will treat me with honor, because I have borne him six sons.” (Genesis 29:32; Genesis 30:20)
A Daughter Is Born To Leah
“Afterward she bore a daughter, and called her name Dinah.” – Genesis 30:21
After Leah had borne her sixth son, a ‘tragedy of culture’ occurred – Leah gave birth to a daughter! Dinah was the seventh child of Leah; and seven signifies perfection and completeness. However, Leah was so unhappy that she named her daughter Dinah – meaning, “judgement, contention, strife!”
Thus, Dinah grew up in a very dysfunctional home. Her outlook on life was very much focused on her four “mothers” – her mother Leah, aunt/stepmother Rachel and the two maidservants, Zilpah and Bilhah, who had borne children for her father Jacob. Dinah saw her mother Leah and aunt/stepmother Rachel fight for the attention of one man, her father Jacob. She saw the rivalry and bitterness, and her mother despised and unwanted. Unfortunately, however, Leah did not serve as role model for Dinah; and it is very likely that she despised her daughter for being a girl.
Question: What are our daughters seeing in our homes? What do they think of us? What conversations do they hear between us and our husbands? What do they hear us talking about on the phone? What do they think of the God we profess to serve? What do they think of our ministries? We need to ask ourselves these questions, because the answers should tell us what is shaping and forming our daughters’ outlook on life!
Dinah’s Rape
“Now Dinah the daughter of Leah, whom she had borne to Jacob, went out to visit the daughters of the land.” – Genesis 34:1 (NASB)
“One day Dinah, the daughter of Jacob and Leah, went to visit some of the young women who lived in the area.” – Genesis 34:1 (NLT)
One day, Dinah went out to look for the daughters, young women who lived in the area. Dinah left the security of her home to look for other women to relate with. Dinah wanted a different perspective of life, perhaps affirmation, perhaps something better, and went out looking for it among the daughters of the land.
“When Shechem the son of Hamor the Hivite, the prince of the land, saw her, he took her and lay with her and raped her.” – Genesis 34:2 (NLT)
Unfortunately, a great tragedy occurred, as Dinah was raped and defiled. This resulted in the men of Shechem being murdered, their wives and children being enslaved, Jacob and his family having to flee their home, Dinah losing any chances of a good marriage and God’s name being dishonoured among the heathen
Question: Who are our daughters and younger women looking up to or turning to for help? These days, our children do not have to physically leave home to actually leave home. Right in our homes, behind a laptop, on their tablets and smartphones, many of our daughters are leaving home and seeking other women as their role models. We, often, only become aware when it is too late or a tragedy occurs!
Befriend Your Daughters
“3 Similarly, teach the older women to live in a way that honors God. They must not slander others or be heavy drinkers. Instead, they should teach others what is good. 4 These older women must train the younger women to love their husbands and their children, 5 to live wisely and be pure, to work in their homes, to do good, and to be submissive to their husbands. Then they will not bring shame on the word of God.” – Titus 2:3-5
This biblical instruction to older women applies to the mother-daughter relationship. However, I have discovered that the only way we can achieve this, as mothers, is for us to befriend our daughters. Yes, befriend your daughter – BECOME HER FRIEND!
In many cultures, women are taught to raise their daughters in a way that disempowers, rather than empowers, them. Many mothers even lie to their daughters about some of the realities of life, because they want to “protect them.” Unfortunately, this breeds distrust and once our daughters stop trusting us, we’ve lost them!
Mother, you need to befriend our daughter; I mean you need to become her friend, perhaps her best friend! Of course, this is easier to achieve when our daughters are younger, but it is still possible, at any age. As a friend, and by practical everyday living, teach your daughter the following:
- Teach her to know and revere God by spending time with her to read the word of God, pray and worship
- Teach her to know Jesus Christ and to define her identity in Him. Demonstrate to her what it means for her to be a young woman in Christ, by living as a woman in Christ.
- Teach her to pursue wholeness and individuality, by helping her to discover, appreciate and celebrate her uniqueness.
- Teach her to value herself by putting value on her. Let her know her worth, that she is precious and can achieve anything she wants to in life, as a woman.
- Be a lifestyle example to her, in your own behaviour, attitudes, conduct, conversations, dress sense and style, etc.
- Give her security by building a family and home based on love, laughter, fun, forgiveness and peace. Even if the circumstances in your home are not the best, use that as an opportunity to build strength, tenacity and resilience in her by engaging with her through the challenges within your family
- Listen and talk and listen! Discuss the issues she wants to discuss (because these are the issues she will be discussing with her friends). Share your wisdom, knowledge, skills and life experiences with her.
- Take time to have fun together – chatting, laughing (a lot), shopping, cooking, watching movies, listening to music, etc
- Prepare her for marriage by teaching her the values to look for in a husband and how to build a healthy family
- Encourage and help her with her education, career, ministry, profession or business choices and challenges.
Finally
“Then Naomi her mother-in-law said to her, “My daughter, should I not seek rest for you, that it may be well with you?” – Ruth 3:1
May our relationships with our daughters be like the relationship that existed between Naomi and Ruth, her daughter-in-law. A story of friendship between two women from different generations that resulted in blessings and brought honour to God.
Apostle Jennifer Abigail Lawson-Wallace
CEO, WOMEN IN TUNE
Women In Tune International 